Thursday, 29 January 2009


Some of us are religious, but some are so religious that it permeates all their conversations.

Our man said: "I'm going out. I'm just going to put on Mahatma coat. I've got to go to the post and I need to know how much it weighs."

He walks into town.

"Hell. Oh I have apostle here. How heavy and how much?"
"Where's it going?"
"Dee Si..."
"Pull the glass across for you."
"Over from Liverpool."
"Yes. Is it valuable, before I put it in the sack..."
"Er, 'fficial stuff really, not valuable. I would be cross if it got lost."
"We, sir, rectify it if it got lost, if insured."
"No, no need, by all appearances - I'll just pay the standard rate."
"Tomb is it going?"
"Just a government department, and ordinary business. Bi shopping now!"

So he went to some local shops, starting at the baker's.

He said, "I see you have a range of cheddar Jesus. Can I have that one please? It's a really nice one that: blessed are the cheesemakers."
A friend walked in.
"Hello Buddha, how are you doing?" he asked his friend. "How is the good works?"
"Twenty Four Fordmakers are going to get the sack."
"Have faith that it's not you."
"Well we have had to do the changes. Which Jesus saves money here? Gandhi be a bit generous today, do you think?"
The shopkeeper said, "Hey, I've me prophet to think of. Money changes from that one over there, still quite a fine one. "
"Duck. Ca' I have that one then? D'Ma will like it."
"Temple that one out for him."
The friend asked our man, "Your gal, he - Lee - still going out with her?"
"No, now it's Jerome - sell 'em car parts to your place. Salesman."
"I know him. Of course I know him. Bea Blickle went out with him."
"She did. Bugger; God: Vita went out with him too before her," said our man.
"And before her, Sue Trae - she was a Diamond."
"Had a Heart of gold. Three Jewels they were. And what of Ahura - Mazda she is driving."
"Oh Lee! Trina Tee bought one of those too. She teaches at Uni. Ta Ian," he said for the produce, adding, to the previous point, "That's why we're laying off."
"Ta Ian too," said our man for his cheese. "Oh Lee! Spirit of the age he was - off he went in a second, coming to her only a few times you know. So many relationships, no one settling down like we did. These are hard times: I have to perousia through the job adverts now myself, being home all day and under their feet. But I still like my Jesus to be quality Jesus."
"I'm like that with my fish. Says of men: keep healthy. Just a minute, I'm going to sneeze. Thank you shopkeeper and let's get outside... A Krishna!"
"Bless you."

Then they parted and our man went into the butcher. "Have you got a fatted calf?"


1 comment:

Tim Goodbody said...

Cheddar Jesus, love it!