Monday, 22 December 2008

Archbishop says: Send the Jackboots In!

IIn an astonishing article, misread by a journalist at the Daily Telegraph, and nothing like the diatribe they do understand by regular columnist Janet Daley, the Archbishop of Anglicanism today said it was time to get the jackboot Nazis in and give everyone a good kicking.

He claims that the twentieth century theologian, Karl Barth, was a brave weakling who ran away because he was Swiss; this theologian said that we should learn to live without principles. The Archbishop adds:

Various philosophies solemnly assured us that the human cost is really worth it, because history will vindicate the sufferings and sacrifices of the present. Keep your nerve, don't be distracted by the human face of suffering, because it will be all right in the end...

The Archbishop did not quote Christianity directly, which many people have believed in and some still believe in so that they can have their earthly sufferings and sacrifices of the present vindicated: life after death will make it all right in the end.

Writing as a happy amateur of economics, whose own paypacket is the most secure in Britain, the Archbishop asks:

What about the unique concerns and crises of the pensioner whose savings have disappeared, the Woolworths employee, the hopeful young executive, let alone the helpless producer of goods in some Third-World environment where prices are determined thousands of miles away?

The maddest evangelical in England, the Rev. Chris Sugarpuff said, in response:

Well, when the people are dead, so long as they belieeeeeeeve in JesUS, they will have a happy eternal life when they will want for nothing and never become redundant again. We don't have to go through the Archbishop, you know, so why not let me write instead of Janet Daley and not him?

The Archbishop claims that the government is run by a load of fascist pigs who can't make the trains run on time. This is yet another coded criticism of Gordon Brown Nose, who after flying the Union Flag, has lately become power crazed, has taken up the V for victory salute, started smoking cigars and now drinks heavily because he recently bought a black dog. However the Home Secretary came to his defence:

This is not fascism. This is Churchillian. Fascism is when you send in the police to arrest a Member of Parliament doing his job over a leak, in order to give the opposition a good drubbing, and then make a further controversy over it with policemen apologising and so on, and whatever else Gordon and Mandy tells me to do.

The Archbishop, who if he's not careful could receive some of this treatment, further writes that Christmas doesn't offer an alternative set of economic theories or even a social programme. However, Robert Preston, the man who lives in the middle of the original bit of the M6, said:

Oh yes it. Does beeeeeeee cos it GENERates a, well let's... say buying pattern and production pattern that allows inDIVIDUAL pro. Ducers and consuuuuuuuumers to plan efficiently and [cut off]

The Archbishop denied that the God of the Christmas story is yet another dogma, backed up by creeds and articles and Bible bashers like the Rev. Sugarpuff, and that the Christianity that upholds this belief has been responsible for mass killings and war throughout the ages. Indeed, even now, there is thuggery in Nigeria after his colleague, and Sugarpuff's consultant, Archbishop Akky Nolo, said that the Muslims in the north do not have a monopoly on violence.

Note: The Archbishop denied being a Unitarian while writing this article, and prior to his own everlasting death plans to retire in a Roman Catholic monastery along with a friend called Benny.

4 comments:

Rachel said...

Adrian - is there some sort of bug in the system - you keep getting links to your post which point people in the direction of my blog - I don't intend this to happen and worry people might think I've exploited something to push my hits counter up - I'll get onto it. Husband - computer programmer- is away on his Christmas do - but I'll seek his guidance when he returns. In meantime - sorry about this.

Your latest post wasn't your usual restrained style. Interesting though but rather reminds me of the tone employed by father David Heron - have you ever read any of his stuff?

Pluralist (Adrian Worsfold) said...

I doubt you'll get your hit rate up by linking to my blog. My blog is read by me, Gordon Brown Nose's new black dog and Erika.

I have four followers but I try to give them the slip.

The Daily Telegraph news item is hardly restrained either. It is an absurd reading of Rowan Williams's contribution. That's the point.

Grandmère Mimi said...

What about me?

Pluralist (Adrian Worsfold) said...

Of course you do, but my excuse is that you are in the shadows and I cannot see you unless I really focus.