A Seasonal Carol

I wrote this (and have revised it once), given the weather recently and what can happen at this time of year. The tune is the one sung to Good King Wenceslas looked out or, as I used to think, Good King Wenslas last looked out.

A man and woman once drove out,
When some snow had fallen.
With no gritters seen, the snow
Was deep and packed and even.
Vehicles slid around that night,
The surface was so cruel;
Then a shop came into sight,
Including forecourt fuel.

Driver said to passenger,
"Go and stand in queue, when
I've got petrol in the car,
I'll send you a call then."
Queues of cars to begin with
For supermarket petrol,
Queues of folk with mobile phones,
This could be like inside Hell.

Then they went inside the store
For wine, food and logs hither,
When at vegetarian aisle,
Bumped into his mother.
"Hello can you introduce,
Who you're with together?
I can't be so very rude:
Has your wife got be-etter?"

"She is Noelle, Christmas name!
And my wife is stronger;
Failed my heart, I do know how,
We could go no longer."
"She was such a lovely girl,
Thought you'd last forever,
You will get me in a rage
Trust you I could ne-ever."

"Well I did not marry you,
But Jen, with good intention;
Then she started an affair
With one I cannot mention."
"Mark my words, you stupid sod,
If you'd showed affection,
I heard about as much I could:
She had met some chu-urchman."

"Some friend he turned out to be!
Well it's all now over.
With Noelle it's wonderful:
She is now my lover."
"Well Noelle, I'll say hello,
Sorry I've said all this,
I hope you see my position,
Nice to meet you. Bye bye, miss."

So these happy lovers trod,
To complete their shopping.
She grabbed his arm and moved in close,
Mother - they kept passing.
What his mother did not know,
Loading up her car full,
Was the churchman heard about,
Was still married to Noelle.

In fact the churchman was the priest,
And Jenny sang each carol;
After mass came midnight feast
Together after chapel.
Noelle and love no longer went,
They were warm together!
Snuggled close and making love,
In contrast to the we-eather.

But in the end it all came out:
The vicar lost his job for
Jennifer returned back home
Thanks to the dear mother.
Still, Noelle was in the clear,
Living on her own, then
Visited most frequently,
By the husband back with Jen.

Any moral to this tale,
Of situation ethics?
Not really, far too complex,
Too much love and good sex.
Therefore, Christian folk, be sure,
Of lay or priestly blessing:
Ye who stray beyond the door,
Will only end up me-essing.