Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Get Thee to the Side of Me (Satan)...

Rev. A. Frame Reader discusses the final Anglican Covenant with our Correspondent at The Dead Church. He is still an Episcopalian priest in good standing, although a few years ago he escaped from the United States (where there is a warrant issued for his arrest on the charge of 'First Degree Essayic Verbosity' as usually issued against undisciplined undergraduate students).

"Was section 4 changed?" he was asked.

"Well section 4 is still section 4," he said, commenting on the reappearance of section 4. "If you remember, as Anglicans discussing the Covenant, we went to the appropriately named place, Noshe Folunteard, near Bedrock, and had that terrible legislative section when the Archbishop of Anglicanism faced one way and then the other, and had all these arguably and disputably bigoted primates shouting at him when section 4 went for review."

"He says it is not penal," stated our reporter.

"It certainly concerns that area of the anatomy," replied Rev. A. Frame, "but let's be clear: unlike Uganda, The Episcopal Church can no longer claim to be on the moral high ground. They didn't get the revision they wanted, and so now they're out of the building and past the toilets. There's the bit where the grass is muddy and skiddy when there's ice. That's where they are, though I remain in good standing with them at approximately the door marked 'Exit'."

"Is there nothing different?" our Dead Church reporter asked.

"Oh yes, and I will write about this at considerable length several times, no doubt. It's all going global. Think of the Archbishop's ironic lecture at Rome after the Pope put one over him with these extra-ordinariates. Think of the ARK-KICK thing sort of surviving now. There is a shift going on, where the Archbishop presents a Covenanted Anglicanism but Rome couldn't care less any longer. There's nothing the Episcopal Church can do about it at this point."

"And when does the Covenant become alive?"

"Oh, ze Standing Committee, vitch vill vee obeyed, yah - I love the old war films you know - is making pronouncements now. For example, that appointee the people wanted on the west coast of America. She sleeps with a woman, doesn't she? I was reading about that in the good book the other day. It says, on the good Facebook, 'Poke this person', and if you can't do that there then surely it is also an ecclesiastical impossibility. The Standing Committee is the policy bureau, or 'polit-buro' for short."

"But no one has signed the Covenant."

"But as soon as they do, it is active. We force it down the provinces throats as rapidly as possible by such an understanding, see. The Global South provinces will sign it, except Brazil. Maybe Mexico won't. New Zealand cannot, we know. Hong Kong, no. TEC, Canada should not. Wales and Scotland are doubtful. England might have legal problems. Well, we shall just kick them out, not completely out, but on the path around the building at the skiddy bit. We might say, 'OK you can't sign it and carry on inside the Instruments.' Or we might say, 'OK you can't sign it and must leave the Instruments.' Or we might have others sign it and they can't be in the Instruments. So it is very - well, the Archbishop speaks of not having unclarity, so I don't know what he doesn't mean here as in this situation."

"What of these other signatories?" he was asked. "What of signatories in a province that is not a signatory? What signals are there for these signatories among the non-signatories, or the signatories who are treated as non-signatories?"

"Well, the Covenant, as well as being about excluding provinces in an unclarity sort of way, is also about breaking up existing provinces, by having dioceses signing up from unsigning provinces and then calling these 'regional Churches'. That would really be offensive, but tough to those who have lost the high moral ground and are outside the building around the side."

"What about the achievement of the Archbishop of Anglicanism then?"

"Well," said Rev. A. Frame Reader, "he is a Welshman so he really likes it to be like Rugby - getting stuck in and not with this mamby pamby body armour on like The Episcopal Church so-called football type playing. No no, it's a proper scrum and contact. He likes it rough, and an open ended struggle. He knows it's rough so it's important to limit the game to the purple shirt wearers while patting other people on the head pastorally. Well, yes, it is a frankly ridiculous colour for a team picking up so many mud and grass stains, isn't it? But that's all right, just as long as the rough and tumble is between the men on the pitch and not in the bed, you know, which is what it is all about, oh and that woman of course I was reading about on Facebook the other day. But now I really do have a lot of writing to do for the new year so please do go away."

Rev. A. Frame Reader now lives in Canada, also described as "dodgy" by various Anglicans either considering burying themselves inside Roman Catholic Anglicanised Ordinariates or who work for the Trotskyite Russian gas giant GAFCON.

1 comment:

Tobias Stanislas Haller said...

Sad to say that this particular parody is so close to the original! Madness is abroad, and as usual the folks who protest loudest of their love of unity are pushing the forces of division...