Our Friends in the South,
It was King Alfraed who protected the English from the Danes, who had threatened by their invasion and their people to destroy what the English had already become. The Danelaw Line was drawn, north of which was a no go area for the English at that time like so many of the northern cities are now. But through time, and through learning,
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Thus today we have faced the same threat, this time from immigration and a foreign religion, and I have been here doing the small part that I can to promote and protect the English from attack, just as the Danes were held at bay. I am, of course, of Pakistani origin and have seen how Islam works in my previous place of abode and bishoping, and seen how the Qur'an at its best gives insight into the strengths of Christianity, and what we must do to protect this country's culture and especially its religion which informs the English who they are, rather than have some wet multiculturalism and a damp climate that says all religions are equal. But, as I have already announced, I must leave you now, and leave with Kent and the South better than I found it, and I can safely say that there are no no-go areas here, except of course in Canterbury where I wanted to be instead and had to settle for second best nearby. But please read on - and fear not.
I give no apologies for making convenient use of what some of my misguided theological colleagues call 'secular theology'.
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We can dismiss the real secular theologians, as they give up every scrap of identity for a mess of postmodern pottage. It is a scandal that they even occupy our ministry, for there is little of laity entertained by their presence. But those who negotiate, they have created virtually another religion by their dabbling with the secular and the Pagan that once covered this land and contributed to English culture and superstition.
Ladies and gentlemen - and that covers everyone by gender and sex - we defend our religion of the English and maybe the
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But I do have to leave you. Fear not, however, for I am not going far. I have a new mission where I believe I can be more effective. Yes I can travel the world, being like my own version of the British Council. But I will be here, and doing what Peter Berger finds most logical.
I will uphold those who confess Anglicanism in its strict and Biblical variety. You see, the negotiators, the liberals,
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It will not be easy. Let me be clear about this. The broken night of the Church of England is coming to a close and its loneliness of belief from God, and the expressions of faith that have become torture must end, because we need absolute control over every living soul and that's an order. We have to root out the culture of drugs like crack cocaine and the scourge of anal sex, and stuff that up the hole of the culture we seek to replace. Leave the permissive society to a small place in Berlin, and rebuild its Wall around it, and bring back for them Stalin and for the rest of us the costly and wonderful insight of St. Paul. If we do not then, believe me, Armageddon will come, our own version, and things will slide and slide and you just won't be able to measure anything anymore when the blizzard of the world comes to these shores. So we will have to say repent, repent, to any gays, even if they know longer know what it meant, for we do say this. And to everyone. Now, I am from a Muslim background and I understand the Bible, and nations may fall and rise, for example the Abbasid Dynasty
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But our institutions are riddled with the cancer of another virtual religion, and have become buggered up and anally retentive, so much so that up north is no-go for people like me, and this needs overturning by a vanguard of truth. At the moment we are so downtrodden, that I need to minister to such oppressed Christians, but as we sign on to the fellowship, we will become the leading edge of the coming revolution and I urge you to sign up and take over the evangelical world to this effect.
So of course we welcome gays, so long as they repent and become something else and become partners of the opposite sex and have lots of children and instill in them a good, solid, muscular Christianity of heterosexuality like we once did in our historic public schools. And if we do this, all else will come right, and our civilisation will return.
For I shall be there leading you, our troops, for the second great rescue of this land. For this land is your land and this land is my land, from the Isle of Wight to Shetland, from Nottingham Forest to the Gulf Stream waters, and this land was made for you and me. And let me say to close that I was driving rapidly south on the A1 highway, and saw above me an endless skyway, and ahead a golden valley and believed that this land was made for you and me. Yes I have roamed and rambled and I've followed my footsteps from the Islamic sands
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Thank you, and man the barricades, and I will see you there.
Bishop Ali-England
[Using: Leonard Cohen, The Future © and Woody Guthrie, This Land is Your Land © 1956 (renewed 1984), 1958 (renewed 1986) and 1970 TRO-Ludlow Music, Inc. (BMI)]
6 comments:
another good job well done.
the parody, that is, and not the labors of the bishop in question.
Thanks again Mr. Pluralist
Will we miss him? I wonder...
Will we miss him? I wonder...
Adrian will.
You did it! I love your rousing finale. I can hear him singing.
Well he's not really singing, just nicking the words from somewhere else that supports his curious position: and then look at the recent interview in The Washington Times that uses the same language - and I read this after producing the spoof, not before (as Thinking Anglicans wrongly suggests).
Not singing? I'll need to revise my imaginings, then.
I suppose you had read enough of his speeches and writing to do the job without the WT article. It's not all that odd that Nazir-Ali was published there. It's a conservative newspaper.
Poor taste.
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