A New Liturgy for Church of Niafashisto (Anglican Communion)

A Prayer of Archbishop Nick Cocoh of the Niafashito Church (Anglican Communion)

Almighty God
It is my function
To give Extreme Unction
After I got him
Because I shot him
Amen.

First hymn

I Fight the good fight with all my might;
My gun is my Strength, and Christ my flight;
Lay down a life, and it shall be
Unction Extreme for eternity.

Run the straight race through bishops' choice,
Put in your votes, and make my hoist;
Career its way before me lies,
Christ is the plinth, and Christ my rise.

Cast votes aside, do as I guide,
I am arisen and will provide;
Colonel and Archbishop is my bread
One makes you live, the other leaves you dead.

Faint not nor fear, point blank is near,
I changeth not, and he's not deer.
Only believe, and thou shalt see
A bloody great gun go off at thee.

Almighty God
I have sinned against you
And quite a few
In thought, and word, and especially deed
Through strength, through planning, through my own deliberate fault
I am not really sorry
Because it was a Civil War
Cleanse the sins of those I shot
By the inspiration of my General
That we may perfectly know him
And magnify his many sins
In someone's name
Amen.


Next a hymn, to the popular Four Tops tune (please look at the big screen above):

Going choko down with Nicky Cocoh
If you stay too long
Yes you'll be going choko down with Nicky Cocoh
The tragic down there is so strong

Feel the pressure
Your back's against the wall
Firing squad is at you
You're just about to fall
If you're afraid to die
Afraid to take a glance
Better hide your feelings
Blindfold on you fool

'Cause you'll be going choko down with Nicky Cocoh
If you stay too long
Yes you'll be going choko down with Nicky Cocoh
The tragic down there is so strong

You can hear bodies bleeding
Through those warm warring nights
Memories are lost and found
Leaving broken hearts all over town

'Cause you'll be going choko down with Nicky Cocoh
If you stay too long
Yes you'll be going choko down with Nicky Cocoh
The tragic down there is so strong

They'll be pulling out your hair
Drowning in despair
With a whole lot of killing on your way to nowhere
Your search for paradise will be at an end
When you realise what a fool you've been

You'll be haunted by a face
Kissing a grip's embrace
Memories of fighting him
Holding gun tight every night
Was that the best part of your life?
Hearing his voice shout and blow
Choking as to please
Please just go
Just go! No! Just go!
Just go!

[Music]

You can see bodies bleeding
Through those warm warring nights
Memories are lost and found
Leaving broken hearts all over town
All over town

'Cause you'll be going choko down with Nicky Cocoh
If you stay too long
Yes you'll be going choko down with Nicky Cocoh
The tragic down there is so strong

Going choko down with Nicky Cocoh
If you stay too long
Yes you'll be going choko down with Nicky Cocoh
The tragic down there is so strong

[Original songwriters: Lamont Dozier, Phil Collins]

A Prayer

Thank you God for raising me up, to take the Church of Niafashisto to ever greater heights. Give thunderous blessings to his highest and your leader Aki Nolo, a carpenter raised to world status leader, like someone else we know a while back, and now give these blessings to me, a fighter not a lover, a military man who also knows that Muslims do not have a monopoly on violence, and let us condemn all manner of sin like homosexuality, liberalism, secularism, Islam and other Archbishops who cannot make up their minds. Give thanks that my election was passed peacefully and that, although not everyone voted and we don't deal in numbers, I got more than two thirds of the vote that we bothered to count.

The Piece of Gunshot

The Lord said, if you get in my way in this country, I will shoot you. So let us compare our guns and ammunition one with another, as a sign of who we are.

Your military means be always with you.
And also with you.

The service continues...