Sleep World

I spend much of my time asleep or trying to get to sleep. Trying to sleep in bed having fallen asleep in a chair is not always easy.

A problem last night was that I was trying to save money by not putting the heating on, and fell asleep in the chair, so had a hot drink and went to bed, and felt like never warming up while finding sleep difficult to begin. And then some point later on I innocently stretched my right leg and received a massive pain into its muscle, such that in my waking life (and as I write the house is freezing - habitually I don't put heating on until the evening) I am now hobbling around as my leg is like a log of wood.

Still I did sleep because I had a wonderful dream. I was being accompanied in an indoor shopping centre by a woman, tall, black short hair (someone I have seen once) and passed what must have been a bakery shop, and many people in it. She suddenly took a fancy to a blonde woman serving in the shop and I had to hang about and help while she went in there to chat her up. I lost sight of her but noticed another two in the process of chatting each other up (talking, getting on). Then the scene shifted and I think I was on my own, but I passed the shop and it was breeze blocked across from the top down, and the breeze blocks painted a consistent light blue across. There was a gap at the bottom and yellow light coming underneath (ordinary bulbs, presumably) and you could get underneath but only with difficulty.

So how do I interpet my dream. It is that I have 'handed over' the love of my life (though as far as I know she's only changed location) but that she has gone somewhere or into a situation impossible for me and lost to me (i.e. the lesbian element) and then on returning my own situation is all but blocked as the relationship shop is breeze blocked over. That's a feeling, recently, of being largely uninterested, even as new females appear in friendly company. Once upon a time, despite being the long term equivalent of a desert father, I used to react to any female with the brain of a dog on heat. Now I have no such reactions. So the shop perhaps is not just closed to me, but no longer in use, except for a small possibility.

I love remembering dreams because they are narratives that let some of the air pressure out, and this one did. They are exclusively other, however: how many times have I woken to realise I still have the car outside, for example. However, the leg pain was in the waking life, and I am hobbling around. In any case the only place I run these days is in my dreams.