Friday, 28 May 2010

Gottle o' Gear Pentecosh Message

Consuming the Spirit
The Archbishop of Anglicanism's Hardly Pentecost Speech
to the Bishops, Clergy, Lord Charles
and any Faithful of the Anglican Communion


Delivered at the Memorial Service of Lord Charles
for the Benefit of Anglicanism Worldwide

and note that the Archbishop comes back afterwards

"They were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to talk in other languages as the Spirit enabled them to speak" (Acts 2:4).

Indeed, brothers and shisters, talking in other language languages at Pentecosh is not unlike trying to in particular discern quite what I intended to write as opposed to what I do write when I address anyone who wishes to understand the matter at issue under question and find the way forward in the options available. Hick. In Welsh, Pen means head and Tecost, Tesco, TEC, is a low price shop and what we are not exactly but nevertheless sheeking to ashieve as one of our shtragegies is sho approach matters to a head at not an overbearing cosh. The shop items as such are not the properdy of any one purshashing group, or of any one gulture or hishickory, but is what Goh Gock intends for the consumption of all who will lishen.

St Paul, chap he was, asks in effect wha ish the indifferensh that makes the indifferent indifferent as poppo oppose ed to the indifferensh that doesh not make the indifferent indifferent, like, and with this I concur with my friend Bishop N. T. Wrong like he is. We hear the voice of Jeeeesuss praying to God an' seeing as we believe Sheesus is Gog he thus stalks to himself, rather like I do, hick, and thish is a matter of indifference. And although Sheeesus will return when he is quite ready he is nevertheless present in the Holy Euchrish in lots of different places at once; and so I want want to address on an envelope I think this matter of unity, not dishpersal, but there is human divershity which Jeesoss works through: although we mustn't include lezzy lez lezbians because they are the prob lem, at least if a bishop, as the New Test it meant makes high plain drifter film sort of thing. Sheesush tells us in St John's godspel that the Spirit of vodka, truth, will 'prove the world wrong', though I know that for shome people the whirl has proved St Shohn's godspel wrong, as my friend Bishop New Testament Wrong might entee rightly confirm again sort of. Thus we are called to repent, repent, look at what the world has sent and this job is destroying me.

Our Anglo Catol il lican fellowshit continues to experience painful provision, no division, which would lessen some what did you say if it stopped kicking itself in the nuts.

To stagger around like it is doing, likes I am, as if Lord Charles with that hick Ray Alan's hand up me silly arse, with its knees together, is no dignified way to fake the whirl, as St Paul warned in one of his pieces on the correct way to ride a bisexual no bicycle.

It is not without shome unclarity that the offish al dead or alive bojjies of The Epishcopal Shurch (DEC) have felt in conscience that they cannot go along. There ish what hash been ashed of them by others, sort of, and the concentration of Canon Mary Glasspool on May the ficteenth has been other than a glear shign of this. And yet in this dish pute, desh pite attempts to clarify the shit shituation, there is activity across provincee you can call me Al boundaries by interfering bishops on bishicles ridden with gyroscopic conscience.

Ah could have been a vengriloshit's dummy. Ah'd have been better off. In order to continue the chosh chaos that is creatiff and to prevent the nuts kicking ongoing, I have decided to punishes both of you. This will no doubts of course satisfy no one. It will mean not just involving the intervention of shy lenswhing DEC but shilenshing the bi-shitle riders too. I bet that surprised them, silly arses, that ah'm going to try and tell them to shut the shut up too.

The Communion, all hail an' sail the Communion, for she will be obeyed, hick, has shancshioned none of shis, and shuch is the chask of the Communion onion. You cannot be chommitted to polichies expreshsly disshanctioned by the almighty Commooon on. Angle in cans have not hessy hez tated to use the law courts in shuttling disputes, often at great expensed of money laundry that could shu ha' come to Com Communion an' at the chiost of the Church's good name - which is me passing my opinion on them again and are you going to stop me eh?

But the drinking boys at Shingapore were all right, they were. I have there ins fore tructed my shtaff to toss them a bone of st st thanks you boys. Gree ated men and women may then have a goo' chew and by the Spirit's bottled power be given the amazing liperty to call Gock 'Abba, Benny Bjorn!' if this means anything to anyone anymore, hick.

The Govenant in its double tashk of excluding and gicking into the long grass is noffing if not a tool for fission. Weather, woff ever, whatever, we have ways of making you talk. Ha ha, heh, hick.

Look you, the gurrent bun problem is not shimply this issue but the bedspread bewillierment an' offen hurt in different Tich and Quackers. Silly arse.

The Schwaanding Gommickee of the Gommunion introdoosies no novel worth reading and so shis is what we shall aff: no amount of boliticking by variouss evensongicals and people I have had to like rely on will shange jis. Indeedy, I vill decide absolutooly everythink as I am the shief plasterer of the Angle ican Gommunion, that still must shtop itself from kicking itself in them swow en marbles and do this under my command hands out of yeour pockets.

When you are grunk, the sobering truth is that often achemps to share our own shetting can look differen' in another shetting even if they sell the same bever beaver? age. Broken bottles, communicahicks and fragkile relationships have created a very mishtrushful climate.

Can we haff a way where we can do our diffie renches shimilar? Don't lose it mate, cosh in Grishe all will be like something or other muchal and fission again.

Nuffing's perfick is it? But look, there's them in DEC who want to be with Commoon onion an' I don't know if they can be int onion or get peeled off. We can talk abou' bioethics too, though why and what that's about I've no glue.

So tell DEC and them jammy border dodgers to keep their gobs shite when they turn up to Com onion on site business sort of thing. I 'ope they agree to what I say, like, an' it is the time of the Spirit an the head of the cosht gutters and we can't be together can we? Not a broblem mate, OK?

An' these jammy dodgers and DEC lesbian ordainers can't rep rep represen the rest of us Angle in cans can can they right? So keep out of that as well you sideliners you. It's not faith an' its not order.

That means the Inter-Angl ican Shas sit undertanding Com - who the hell thinks these names up - on Uniteee, Faith an' Order (I ASK YOU FU COH).

I've had enough. I don't give a donkey's two humps what the Primates shed about the Moritania, more or less eeah, sort o' thing. Who cares what's off equal weight? It's all shite, this. Look they said this shjob woo either attract a nutter or make one. Show, here we are then, and I'm tired. I fink I need a lie down and some careful study, shorry shuteye. It is nuffing to jellybrate, this diffishion, of endless meetings like and acheese soddall. But we aff to, to stop loozing our cred street.

Keep braying an ahl sing:

By the Rivers of Jordanon
Where I laid down
A foundation stone
To the 'ist'ry of Anglican
Da di da da. Hick.

Enjoy the Spirit of Pen Tesco dudes. Gottle o' gear.

Just Afterwards

'Ello my British chums again and anyone else like. 'Ope yers enjoying yerserfs you plebs. Ah, ah just want to, hick, say, what a good shtatement dat wash from South Afric hick regarding all dat Malachi wee wee where that Archie bishop every wannabee loves comes from thingy. But ah can't not be under arshed to do a statement o' mi own cosh ah'm too bizzy wizzy lets show 'em Lizzy being on about them Americans. Thash yer lot now; uck off yer gasterds.

8 comments:

Erika Baker said...

followshit is priceless!!

David |Dah • veed| said...

Yes Erika, I thought that priceless as well!

There ish nothing sho shacred as the followshit o' the shaints.

And it is obvious that the more Rowan Tree wrote, the more he drank. I am in hope that he sods off under the table soon and we can be done with him.

themethatisme said...

Excellent, I needed a good giggle and you have provided.

Pluralist (Adrian Worsfold) said...

Jusht added ed where it wosh delivery ed.

Anonymous said...

hey adrean can you please explain why any nation would change the time date line from bc to ad unless they saw some thing great take place?

Pluralist (Adrian Worsfold) said...

Because by 525 Christianity was well part of the Roman system. Dionysius Exiguus made his rough calculation and the dating system started in 532 CE. It isn't quite accurate regarding the chap's likely birth year. This is my answer also to your website feedback.

Father Ron said...

Dear, dear Pluralist - as ever, a bit of a larrikin, but I must say, I did enjoy the naughty bits.

I do think, though, that RW would never drown his sorrows in anything but a good bottle of Malmesbury.

Anyway, who would want to be ABC at the present time? Pray for him!

Pluralist (Adrian Worsfold) said...

This isn't Rowan Williams but the Archbishop of Anglicanism, and this one even changed his name when he received a reward from Russia. As I understand it, Rowan Williams is not giving an address at the death of a puppet that accompanied the death of a ventriloquist. Now the Archbishop of Anglicanism may just have enjoyed the experience of getting sloshed so that he could do Lord Charles justice.