Thursday, 10 June 2010

Archbishop Considers the Evacuation

Below is the original first draft if the news article, the later one seen after viewing Mad Priest.

By Arser Loos and Natanus Pinch, Staff Reporters

While international Anglicanism falls into its own smelly mess, the Anglican Archbishop of Cape God, Thabo McGob, has offered to act as an intervention receptionist in the ongoing row around unenclosed toilets in Makhazi, Khayli Shita.

McGob visited the bogs' site on Tuesday afternoon with the Social Justice Coalition (SJC) and spoke to residents whose toilets had been blocked off and removed by City of Cape God officials.

He also looked into some of the remaining toilets. Many of their enclosures, put up by the owners, were made of wooden boards and zinc sheets, like down at the allotments.

Nophumes Mbutt, 42, said that since her toilet had been removed, she has had sit on a bucket. Her neighbours have a toilet, but they won't share it. She has another bucket, and will share it. "We have prayed about this, as you do when on the khasi. I think God sent McGob to look into the situation, to sit with us and pray," said Mbutt.

After speaking to residents, McGob said he felt "constipated and sad" that people did not have access to a little chapel of their own. "I came here because I wanted to see, touch, smell and walk in what these people were doing," said McGob.

McGob said that all people that on earth do dwell on the bowl and needed to acknowledge that things had gone horribly wrong in Makhazi, apologise for their part of the mess, and seek a way out. "Let's not point fingers into it and have political point-scoring. This is my number two priority," said McGob.

He said he would go up the chain of command and flush out the problem with Mayor Philo Plato and Premier Helen Zilley Zod, and would offer to help.

Zilley Zod told us it was a criminal offence if people erect bogs and then knocked them down again: human rights and national legislation would be called into question. She had liaised with Sicky Shiteka, the Minister of Traditional Matters, who has personal responsibility for lowering one's backside for necessary evacuations.

The Human Rights Commission is being brought into looking at the Makhazi situation. This triggered the interest of The United Nations itself and it could lead to the collapse of the whole South African government, especially at a time when people playing football might not be able to have a half time shit.

Zilley Zod and Shiteka are themselves expected to visit Khayli Shita together in the coming weeks for a good sit down and reading the papers. Zilley Zod gave the minister a detailed paper on what people do when needing to evacuate in Makhazi and all reading matter will be available during the coming motions.

Makhazi made headlines in May when ANC Youth Club leaders and city officials clashed over young people having to use bus shelters. Reports of lots of cross-legged youths returning to the youth club had reached the Archbishop, who thus responded and said he only wanted to offer everyone relief.


Update

Newsflash latest from England is that the potential closure of the public convenience at Laverton near Ripon, is causing increased strains between the Conservatives and Liberal Democraps in Westminster. The Archbishot of the North is said to be flying in.

2 comments:

David |Dah • veed| said...

Makgobo spoke a bit more about shit in your country today. I have lost respect for him. He has taken steps backward from his two predecessors. He to wants TEC to honor moratoria and stand the queers in a crucified place.

Pluralist (Adrian Worsfold) said...

I noticed that. It must make Williams slightly happier.