Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Insufferagenable Bishop

The Insufferagenable Bishop Tony du Benn writes:

We have seen it on the bendy buses. This atheism, and this materialism, God does not like. And everything we do, he sends us a clear message. It is unambiguous, like Poincarés chaotic sensitivity to initial conditions or Gödel's condition of something true but unprovable, and Paul Cohen's true and false regarding Cantor's Continuum Hypothesis. As I might have said (but I didn't, and he nearly did, but probably shouldn't have [what he did say], so there must be an equation for this conditional statement by employing prime numbers):

God [Mathematics] is all-powerful: and He rules ruthlessly. Imperious and unyielding, God [mathematics] brooks no dissent and tolerates no error. In an age of uncertainty, God [mathematics] is the only boss that generates knowledge that's immutably, incontestably, and eternally true.

That's God for you and he wants to punish us. None of this is God's [or mathematics]' postmodernism, and the consumer led economy. Britain has become obsessed with cash, and it has a stranglehold over our lives. The pursuit of greed is sinful. So when we got our credit cards and our mortgages, God said I am going to visit you and give you lot an unambiguous message you won't forget.

Because God - what he did was, he built chaos into his creation, the unprovable false, and the Anglican true and false, he did, and he says when you have too much of a good thing, I'm going to have my system turn you upside down and take you hurtling towards the zero.

It's like this. When I, a bishop, driving my car, approach a car park that is full, a new condition arises that causes people to run to their cars and drive them away. I always get a parking spot and I pray to God for my parking spot every time.

But God is also merciful. He has allowed this crisis for good. He wants us back to want Him, not the credit card or the mortgage or the over comfortable house.

Of course we should suffer. We should all be beaten up. Lot's of people over the world suffer poverty and war and they must be really bad people because it never gets any better for them. People have been put in death camps, after all. But God has a special interest in the credit crunchies - us - and he likes us because after causing us to suffer, God allows us to have our credit cards and loans back, so that we can boom before he busts us again. He might even be kind to Iceland and the Isle of Man.

Next month the Bishop explains the weather.

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