Friday, 13 August 2010

New Australian Liturgy

Despite a tribunal holding that Deacon's and Lay People can't do the Eucharist, the Diocese of Sydney still went ahead with its new Eucharist Liturgy:

President [a layperson will do]: Anywan seen my knife? Got some bread to cut up.

People: It is here.

President: Good an yeah. Right, well here we go and thanks God and all that. Just remember this ain't Jesus or anything like it. But when he was around towards the end, he shared some of this stuff out, if not quite this we get from the supermarket like.

People: We get it at home but thanks all the same.

President: There you go. Grab your own and down your gobs.

People: Thanks again.

President: Now we get to the really bladdy good stuff. Anywan seen my bottle opener?

People: It is here.

President: Good an yeah 'gin. Right, well here we go on this one and thanks God again and all that. It might be the real stuff but it ain't the real presence: just remember this ain't Jesus or anything like it. But after they'd had a chew and swallow, he said wash it down with some of this plonk, if not quite this we get from the supermarket like. And he said, sorry, I meant to get more crockery so we'll just have to share this cup.

People: We can get this at home too, and we have more pots, but here we shall share it around, and thanks again.

President: There you go. Wait for the cup and dawn your gobs with just a little bit of the plonk. Once your done, back to your seat.

[The choir may sing a ditty, depending on how many are hungry and thirsty.]

President: Well, there you go. Just as Jesus and his merry men needed to eat and drink, so did we, and so there we are, all done, and what more can we say?

People: What more can we say?

President: I guess that the Lord is with you, unless you've been really naughty.

People: Also with you, on the same terms and conditions. Do sweep up the bits and find a sink.

[Everyone may sing a hymn, unless rushed.]

President: We keep saying thank you God. So let's do it all again, but not too soon! And as for the rest of us, blessings and all that.

People: Amen. Time to go.


Brother David said...

Adrian, you have been really naughty!

What a hoot this is.

Doorman-Priest said...

Inspired. I hope it catches on.

Göran Koch-Swahne said...

Naughty is the word!