The Prime Minister Gordon Brown flew to Japan today to personally tell the world to finish the plate. He said, "I was only the other day listening to The Wall and, you know, it is absolutely right: if you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?"
The Prime Minister said he had got the answers back to a survey about shopping that he had personally requested. Sarah told him that they threw away up to 15% of what they buy because he stays at work and does not get enough time for meals or sleep. She added, "At least he used to get a slap up meal at the Mansion House once a year when he was Chancellor, but now he ends up eating out of foil containers in front of the telly (watching twenty-four hour news)."
The Prime Minister, known to micro-manage everything in government, but can't make his mind up about anything, said that if people bought less prices might go down. He had learnt this doing Economics.
A spokesman for Morrisons told the Prime Minister to "Bogoff" but the Prime Minister identified this as one reason food gets wasted.
He has decided to take action, strangely enough. He has instructed supermarkets to fit cameras into trolleys and send the surveillance of what people are buying to the Home Office. Assuming the data is not then lost, the government will charge people for what is considered excess purchasing. Special food bins with chips attached will monitor food thrown away and this will be compared with the food purchased. The result is that people will be fined. Remaining corner shops will be closed down, along with Post Offices.
Special attention will be paid to those buying cooking oil that gets put into cars and vans. The Prime Minister said that he did not want cooking oil to go sky high in price, "Otherwise we will have to tax it," he added.
The Prime Minister has asked officials to present to him other initiatives he can talk about. Next week he is going to discuss times that children ought to go to bed in order that they can better pass school league table exams.
The Prime Minister enjoyed his eating out in Japan, at Gee-Eights, and other leaders offered him slices of bread so that chuckled while he wiped up and eat all the sauces, juices...
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