Apparently Lambeth 2008, taking place in Kent in order to confuse likely gatecrashers, based its operation on a prediction of the outcome of the Max Mosley case on 24 July. A spokesperson from somewhere said:
"We based the organisation of our meeting on the Human Rights Act, an act that affects Anglicanism in the UK quite regularly. We are entitled to privacy and, as our lawyers suggested, this trumps a public right to know as there is no public interest in what we are doing here."
Asked what this meant in practice the spokesperson (who must remain nameless) said:
"We don't have to tell you. But basically our bishops like to dress up in long, flowing, smocks, and have a particular bent for purple. Many of our bishops sport beards, as this makes them look either holy or anonymous or Orthodox. Bishops are consenting adults getting together and they don't have to tell anyone what they are doing."
Journalists have been told they have no right to try and break in to a private meeting and talk or take pictures of activities that are going on. Journalists have been described as "scum" and, in a situation where some bishops don't want to consume wafers and drink wine with other bishops while kneeling down, journalists certainly cannot join in. It offends purity rituals.
Occasionally bishops engage in their own kiss and tell. One, who came from the Sudan, said he wanted one bishop not invited to stop being a bishop and engaging in his activities because he was upsetting the party and all other parties that the others do. He asked that this uninvited bishop should "become normal" by resigning. He said other bishops had "not come" to practice their private party rituals because of the univited bishop, and because of the presence of those who party with the uninvited bishop elsewhere.
Recalling one of the more stranger rituals, the Sudanese bishop said that the bishops who party with the uninvited bishop should all "do confessions", after which he and others would "help them". What help was proposed was not made clear, and in any case the Sudanese man could not make any predictions.
Other bishops who broke rank include the Bishop Tom Wright, although he started complaining about being lost in direction before anything had happened, and so he was dismissed by journalists as a bit of a regular rent-a-quote and of little value. Surely the rituals would bring him into line. Some bishops will be leaving early and may squeal. One or two thought the private ritual became perverse on the first Sunday because a preacher did a Buddhist style chant at the end of his display. This caused others to impersonate Sergeant Howie approaching the Wicker Man, as when he shouted at the rebirthers that he believes in his own resurrection and the resurrection of Our Lord Jesus Christ (last word echo added).
One of the innovations at this private party is for bishops to sit in circles and, in some cases, to raise their voices at each other, where the others continue to listen intently. As they go around the circle, someone writes things down on big white sheets of paper, but these sheets end up being torn and placed through the shredder. The rituals are said to be rushed and indecisive and fail to deal with male frustration. Many bishops had come to have their frustration satisfied via the rituals and apparently they are not working, and too many of these males are said to be impatient. Incidentally, just a few bishops are women, and some males find this fact to be ritually disturbing.
Usually there are a few clues down at the laundry service, but this is off limits too because of all the finery. Apparently the bishops eat a lot and one ritual was a walk about those who don't. Another hint is the sleeping arrangements. A clever move has been to put all bishops and partners into single bedrooms, the opposite of the situation at Big Brother, a private party that the public can see and draws considerably more interest. Journalists also have no idea whether all bishops who said they would come, and any who said they have not come, have come. In the spirit of the private party, even the invitation list is off limits.