Anglican Collider

Leading Anglicans have been buried in a 27 kilometre tunnel sending out particles at each other causing them to bash at high speed and send out debris all over the Anglican Communion.



To help with current experiments a new multi-million pound gathering has a circular arrangement of a flame in the middle and three accelerators that come together in one place. As indicated it was opened in 2008, although experiments started some time ago.

The problem is that Anglican scientists do not know all the answers, despite many confident claims that they do. Some calculations show that there must be a particle that accounts for why Anglicanism has become so dense. This has become known as the speculative Godless particle. This so-called Dark Matter has become an alternative to the 'light of the world'.

At the same time Anglican scientists are puzzled by Dark Energy that seems to be sending the Anglican Communion racing outwards at ever faster speeds.

Some scientists explain that Anglican dense Dark Matter and Dark Energy are not incompatible: it's just what happens when too much emphasis is put on a Communion to make it appear to be what it is not.

Calculations have become so complicated using so many virtual numbers that sermons up and down the land have become more and more paradoxical and puzzling. Members of the public no longer understand what is going on.

Although the Anglican Communion has its various formed galaxies, or Churches, it is increasingly full of vacuous space and meaningless drivel in between and within. The distance between one galaxy and another is growing at an ever more rapid rate. Indeed the galaxies are becoming more incoherent themselves and could spiral into oblivion.

The danger of forever expanding outwards in terms of space is that all elements will eventually become utterly cold and lifeless, so that the last vibration of the last particle takes place in a Communion devoid of life, light, meaning or effective existence. Literally it all comes to an end in the cruellest way possible, rather than by a once expected big crunch where at least suffering is quick, hot and to the point (and, speculatively, could all bounce outwards again in a resurrection of new time and new space). This alternative, only recently discovered, offers no prospect of anything other than The End.

Anglican experiments are to try and get back to basics, and those moments before the whole thing went horribly wrong with the Big Bang, though Anglicans disagree about what that was. (Was it Gene Robinson's consecration, or the earlier interference in North America by the Rwandans?).

Some particles are fired anti-clockwise, representing a backward motion. These include the Fulcrum particle, the GAFCON particle, the Reform particle and the Anglican Mainstream particle. Although they have different characteristics, they tend to stick together in part or whole, although the Fulcrum particle is a little more ambiguous and rather small if apparently influential. Some particles are more destructive than others. Other particles are fired clockwise, and these include the Inclusive Church particle, Affirming Catholicism particle and the Modern Churchpeople's Union particle. Again these tend to come together, so have to be fired separately at the other lot. Some of these have characteristics of weak energy, and need more effort to have any impact. In addition there are a number of free radicals, such as the Sea of Faith particle, and there are even some that seem increasingly detached and spiralling out of control, such as the Forward in Faith particle that finds some peculiar particles for interaction, such as the GAFCON particle despite obvious incompatibilities.

There is a huge amount of energy in these particles, due to the bishop led threefold ministry nature in all of them, and they generate considerable collisions.

Some Anglican scientists have clearly decided that instead of a long slow death they would rather use the bishop led threefold quality to generate huge clashes and create a black hole. The black hole would then suck in Anglicanism so that it ends up extremely tiny and a dense mass out of which nothing is detected. There would be no event horizon because events cease. On the other hand, they think something new could explode out of this, which would be a different universe and a new beginning of time, but these scientists are risking everyone's neck in the process.