Cliff is a Living Doll

In a shock non-announcement affecting thousands of silly adolescent evangelical girls, Cliff Richard today has declared that he is "no longer one of them."

Cliff has ditched several key identifiers of being an evangelical.

Instead of all those beautiful women he would never marry, like actor Lord Olivier Neutron Bomb and Sarah Barker, a tennis player, Cliff now prefers to hang out with his organiser, the ex-Catholic priest John McElynn.

Cliff with Lord Olivier

More disappointing for all those silly girls, many now in their seventies, is Chris's views on recognising gay relationships, which is bound to mean his records are no longer played in censored Christian bookshops, as well as even on BBC Radio 2 (where in the 1980s he had been a firm favourite, before Radio 2 started playing heavy metal). Chris writes in My Life, My Way:

Same-sex marriages are perhaps a modern example of how things have changed. I think the Church must come round and see people as they are now. Gone are the days when we assumed loving relationships would be solely between men and women.

In the end, I believe, people are going to be judged for what they are. It seems to me that commitment is the issue, and if anyone comes to me and says, 'This is my partner - we are committed to each other', then I don't care what their sexuality is. I'm not going to judge - I'll leave that to God.

After decades of spouting inane drivel purporting to be representative of Christianity, Cliff has suddenly had a breakout of sheer sense, following on his gaining a shot of reality from his companionship. He also put it:

People often make the mistake of thinking that only marriage equals happiness. I may suddenly meet someone and feel differently, but right now I am not sure marriage would enhance my happiness.

Lord Olivier Neutron Bomb said she was more concerned that she wasn't receiving any more royalties after the stopping of the endless repeats of The World at War on UK TV History.

Chris himself is currently making lots of new friends, and losing those who used him for far too long. In this now joins the Rev. Steve Chalke, who also shed one of those evangelical group identifiers, when he ditched penal substitution in his book The Lost Message of Jesus.