Tuesday, 29 June 2010

New Commission

GS 2010


1. Due to widespread cutbacks and need for economies, and with the coming Anglican Communion Covenant in mind, the current theological resources of the Church in England at the national level should be brought together to form a new Faith and Order Commission of Knowledge for the General Synod ('the Commission'). As well as consolidating the present arrangements, the proposal intends to revive the dead bodies and enforce beliefs more comprehensively.

2. The proposal has been prepared in discussion with the chairs of the Council Of Christian Knowledge ('COCK'), the Faith and Order Group ('FOG') and the Bishops Ultimate Learning Link ('BULL'). The idea has also been considered by COCK and BULL, the Standing Committee of Ultimate Ministry ('SCUM') and the House itself, and has been supported, with minor amendment, at each stage. The Archbishops’ Council has been kept informed and we love it all.

3. Theological resourcing for the Church of England at the national level is currently provided by the Doctrine and Ultimate Church Knowledge Society ('DUCKS'), BULL and FOG.

4. In the past DUCKS provided extensive theological resources, either by large ambiguous set piece reports or confusing individual essays in books, published every five years or so. A few decades back, however, the Church ran out of ideas anyone could agree about and DUCKS has failed to quack, leaving much to COCK and BULL thanks to SCUM.

5. SCUM suggests BULL for any theological issues that might arise within the work of the House or College of Bishops, and sometimes seeks out COCK for what the bishops want. This provision would continue under the new arrangements.

6. FOG clears up theological resources and reflection for the House or College of Bishops and COCK can erect arguments for the Synod. Over the years, FOG has clarified a number of issues via reports and other documents, adopted by the House of Bishops and made available to the wider Church in the form of Summaries of the House Investigations of Theology ('SHIT'). Synod has appreciated the amount of SHIT that has come from the House of Bishops as a result of the workings of COCK. FOG focuses on ecclesiology and ecumenical theology, although it adds biblical studies, liturgy and ethics, scrutinising and reviewing material under the sub-group Associated Revision Scrutiny Ecumenics ('ARSE'), and the SHIT that presently comes from ARSE will be needed within the new Commission. FOG normally has several bishops among its membership and often receives commissions from COCK.

7. The current proposal is to combine DUCKS, BULL, FOG, ARSE and SHIT into one body, but not COCK or SCUM. The Commission, sometimes called 'FOCK', will therefore have a special relationship to the House of Bishops in an act of centralisation consistent with the Archbishop of Anglicanism's policy.

8. FOCK will receive requests or commissions from COCK, as well as from the Archbishops and the House of Bishops and will publish through a new group called the Church Ultimate Matters Media ('CUMM'). CUMM will spread its work through medium term projects of a fundamental nature, as well as responding to immediate concerns, and these will be seen inside its Fundamental Anglican Navigation News Yearbook ('FANNY').

9. The Commission's membership will be 16, including an episcopal chair. There will be six bishops (including the chair), and clergy and laity. The FOCKers will consult external scholars under the scheme Academics Necessary Under Specialities ('ANUS') in order to navigate and satisfy COCK and use CUMM to get into FANNY.

10. The FOCKers' chair and members will be appointed by the Archbishops after consultation with the Appointments Committee, so these will be known collectively as the Territorially Invited Theologians ('TITS') (as is the case with the DUCK). The Archbishops will consult with the SCUM to find out who are the TITS and secure the ANUS, both of which will ask COCK to get some CUMM into FANNY each year.

11. As well as the external ANUS, there will be further external group for referencing called the Presbyters Ultimate Business Examination Symposium (PUBES), so that all material that the TITS work on in conjunction with the ANUS will be seen by the PUBES before it gets into the FANNY. PUBES will have the liberty to meet separately if required, on the outside of FANNY and well after COCK.

12. There will be four FOCKS each year, one being in a hotel in Brighton, whereas much else will be via webcam (similar to FOG).

13. The new staffing of the Commission will be based in the Central Secretariat, known as Secretariat Extended by eXpertise ('SEX') so that SEX rubbing along with TITS and ANUS will enable the COCK to get CUMM into the FANNY allowing for the peer review of PUBES. There will no longer be any need for FOG.

14. The cost of each FOCK will be held within the Central Secretariat’s budget under SEX. The expenses will use already the well-used Commission On Necessary and Determined Overseen Moneys ('CONDOM') system so that it is important that finances are safely spent. It will be important to see that the CONDOM is robust enough to enter into negotiations to secure the ANUS who may well be more expensive than our own TITS.

15. The Chair of the Commission will have a seat on the House of Bishops’ Standing Committee. Known as the Chief FOCKer, he (or later she) will be responsible for seeing that the CONDOM is used properly.

16. All the General Synod laws will be adapted automatically so that the Church FOCK four times a year can use the SEX with the appropriate CONDOM system to extend COCK's demands using CUMM to fill each issue of FANNY via the work of TITS and ANUS and using the evaluation of PUBES. At the head of this remains SCUM, but there will be no more need of DUCKS, BULL, FOG, ARSE or SHIT.



Bradley said...


-frank said...

Never imagined there could be so much cock and bull in a Faith and Order Commission. Nor that so much truth may be found in a Cock and Bull story.