Tuesday, 1 June 2010

Oko Speaks Out

Ello dare. Now you may not know me, but it is about time you did. My name is Nicholas Oko, who lives in Pokey Poko, down in Nigeria. Oh, and as Grand Archbishop of the Church of Nigeria (Anglican Communion and the World) you should know who I am. Yes and I Oko would like a drink of Oxo please. In a mug.

And I am the successor to a real giant of a man. That giant was a supreme leader, and if Christianity had gods he would be one. For sure he should be sainted and entered into the Anglican calendar worldwide. For I, Nicholas Oko, am successor to the one and only Akky Nolo, the former Grand Archbishop of the Church of Nigeria (Anglican Communion and the World). Okay. Oh, we talk about the Archbishop of Anglicanism, that one in Bury in Cantshire, England, but he is just a pipsqueak compared with this Son of Nigeria who went before me. I am sure when God delivered the faith once to the saints he thought about raising up Archbishop Akky Nolo at a time like this, a time of crisis for the Anglicans and the world, and now upon his retirement I must step in the giant spaces left by his footsteps.

You all know the biggest issue facing the world. No it is not Middle East peace, whether Israel, Palestine, or even Iran, and not the world economic crisis. It is not poverty. It is not Korea and the prospect of world war from there. Nor is it political and economic corruption, even as we see in my country. Nor is it the ridiculous voting on the Eurovision Song Contest, which Nigeria would surely win. No, it is not any of these things. Of course not. For we know, here in Pokey Poko what matters - and it is what men do with their willies and their pokey poko life.

Oh you see, if the Church cannot defend the door on the bottom that says "This far and no further," then the Church has lost its salt. If the Church loses the salt when it comes to the bottom, then there is no taste, no Church, and no institution to defend our way in the world when it comes to peace and war. It matters that much. Oko dokey.

Now some say, that among men, well, there may only be bell ringing, or what some call campanology. Oh look, the only camping is what we do when we send our youth groups out and about, our boys still uncorrupted by the West, like the leadership of the still towering leader of our country when the youth club outing meant going to Muslim areas and saying to them, "Look, violence is not one sided you know."

No, bell ringing and much more is from the women folk for our men, and back again for the women folk and pokey poko, okay Oko oky yoni, for you won't find a no entry sign there - after all, how are we to renew our population in the world if we go up one way down streets, like some mad drivers in London in the congestion zone, says this Word document from Oxford, I think, if we cannot have the prospect of more and more African children? Oh some say we have too much pigamy here, but although pigamy is wrong it is not condemned in the Bible and we try to eradicate this custom. Anyway, I hear that lots of British have pigamy life styles in the UK and apparently attracts lean Russians and that such men love bacon food in the oven. No wonder we cannot understand what that Archbishop gets up to there. What? What about Bonobo? Yes we should take the Gospel to every one if Bonobo is at it as well. Yes I have heard about this so called U2charist and other strange emerging things with Bonobo. Oko dickory doko, the mouse ran up the clohcko.

Oh we see a loss of belief and faith in the exporter of our once one imported true religion that is at the heart of all we know and understand, and God bless the Mainstreamers still in the Anglicans, like where this Word document comes from, whereas we here retain our healing, our fear of the last days, our biblical beliefs in deliverance, how the world was created and will end, and that we will have finally eradicated superstition when we remove the Devil from our land and all the bad things that happen. At least now we eat our chickens, as we do our pigmies. Okay Oko. I have to say something worrying about some still helpful to us in the Church in England, that yes we know they are Conservative Evangelicals but what's all this about Liberals and Democrats joining them? Don't tell us that the corruption of the soul has extended that far?

Now some even say this two men yokky yukky is love, telling Oko this too, but look: we do not want this in-sineration to spread through our country like fire so that when the Great One puts his hand on the lap of Archbishop Chewit that corrupted minds in the West start thinking of interpropriate naughties between men as if naughties meant nighties. No no says Oko.

But the UN, that institution that simply ignores what is important - no it does worse, it turns what is important into the evils of the West - is trying to impose upon us and our life here in Nigeria and in other parts of Africa. Oko says no. Oh they are telling us to look after men who seek the other men, to corrupt and spread, like addy a Flora margarine, and having so-called marriages even, and not as many African leaders do, and that is design laws and enact laws to put such people in prison or even apply the noose. We must protect our men folk being men and still being able to defend the south of our country with sticks by going north. It is time we removed this country from the ridiculous UN, so then it can take its nonsense elsewhere, preferably nowhere, even as this country is like two tribes that go to religious war. Okay Oko. Now where is my mug of Oxo? Ah yes thank you. Oh no you're not homo are you? Well hold it like a man then, son.

Oh, for us it is two stages. Two stages mean Anglicans and then the world. For Anglicanism, once delivered from the West, before the modern times of its corruption, when they had the same faith as the one once delivered once, and restoring this no less back to the West too. It is time the Primates sat down together and sorted all this out. And now we hear about bishops as lesbians in an indoor see-through swimming pool concentration campanology service, and other crazy goings on, and even the English Bishop of the North East said it was a laughing matter. Oh I know he means it is no laughing matter, and why we have responded by helping set up an uncorrupted Church in that corrupted land of North America. But as for the Archbishop of Anglicanism, well he should be no more, because he wants to punish and silence us and other Africans for helping set up a different uncorrupted Church by going over the sea with our international bishops as well as him saying "actions have consequences" for that Church of the strange ceremonies. The Church of Nigeria is not 'Anglican Communion and the World' for nothing; no no says Oko, because we have been prime movers in establishing a Primates Council and it is time to tell that Archbishop to concentrate on his own home town of Bury in Cantshire. Let him have his Covenant or whatever that is about; personally I cannot understand it or him.

And we hear bishops in that land like Jones James of Liverpool and Ivor Perovem at Glossover, full of this homo erotico, who clearly are forcing out the likes of even moderate minded carefully speaking sorts like N. T. Wrong into academic retirement. What is going on there? We need our Fellowship of Confessing Believers to take over that land, to provide a parallel Church, clearly a need for an Anglican Church of Northern Europe. Well we the Primates, the Anglicans in the Mainstreamers, are supporting that surely. Okay Oko, that is our goal.

And with our salt tasting like salt, wherever you put it, then we can have peace, as that American Yoko Oko said too, "Give peace a chance." Well, we can say that when it becomes like this uncorrupted of the soul. But not with the UN like it is, nor as being misled by the English on to our Church, and so to them we must go with our Church as they once came to us when they were the Victorians and were clean and uncorrupted, when God graced them with an Empire and brought us from the worst of superstition.

Oh well thank you very much for listening, and should anyone want healing of impure thoughts please come to me and I will place my hand on your head. Please, if you do have impure thoughts, do not confess to me about any of your actions, because if you do I will have you reported and arrested.

Nicholas Oko of Pokey Poko, Nigeria.


dss said...

why do you bother writing this stuff?

Pluralist (Adrian Worsfold) said...

Because they are one step away from evil, and need laughing at.