Wednesday 16 September 2009

Behold, A Primate!

Press Release by Rev. Canon Fulof Sorroe

From the depths of mystery unto the spaceous fallen earth, a new leader for our time has arisen to lead the Church of Niafashisto (Anglican Communion). He is the nearly sixty year old - but doesn't look it - retired Colonel (with several kills under his belt) Archbishop of Bendi Province and Arsabout Diocese, the Most Reverential Nick N. Omugo Cocoh.

The divinely guided and therefore free of problems voting took place amongst the Niafashisto House of Bishops meeting at the Cathedral of Omma Biaslate Payyup.

He popped up tops! He got two thirds and whooped three other clerics, he did, in an atmosphere full of suspense like in a who dunnit detective novel book.

Nick Cocoh is the fourth Primate of the Church of Niafashisto (Anglican Communion), and replaces the third one, Archbishop Aki Nolo next year. So many tears will be rained upon the earth on that day of retirement that drought will be impossible!

No one shot each other during the election: it was peaceful, and the Colonel kept his gun in his holster. He told his competitors it was a good job they lost. Rev. Robert Maxwell (Of Frequent Resurrection) thus felt secure enough to announce the winner in succession to the Most Rev. Aki Nolo (Commander Over Niafashisto), and Rev. Maxwell said he would return to his yacht forthwith. He first gave Nick Cocoh a receipt for him to keep should someone question the result, but was assured that no one will.

Most Reverential Nick N. Omugo Cocoh attended the unknown Vicious Theological College in Avapan Ofkoco between 1976 and 1979. He became deacon soon after, a Canon in 1987, and a Colonel in 1991 and shot his first enemy soon after in the Civil War. He was then collated into a proper sequence until he became Bishop of Bendi Province before adding Arsabout as part of becoming Archbishop.

Nick Cocoh is noted for his anti-homosexuality speeches, attacking secular thinking, hating liberalism, undermining The Episcopal Church and mixing with Anglican separatists. The current Archbishop, Aki Nolo, welcoming his successor said, "There'll be no change round here, or anywhere else we go. It's business as usual."

Nick Cocoh said, "I look forward to meeting the Primate of All Anglicanism and telling him we don't have to go through him unless I permit it but he instead can come through me in my Church (Anglican Communion). No one comes to the Anglican Communion except through me," he said.

After the violence free election was completed, and bishops pledged their complete loyality, both men went off to receive advice from a couple of Conservative Evangelical writers in Britain and the United States about how to continue to interfere in and threaten other Anglican Churches.