Tuesday 20 October 2009

New Catholic Anglican Church

Today the Archbishop of Anglicanism, Rowan Tree, and his Brother-in-Faith, Archbishop to Angles and Saxons, Vince Hill, issued a joint statement of ecstatic welcome to a new papal decree setting up another Anglican Church this time inside Roman Catholicism. However, at a press conference held later, the Archbishop of Anglicanism added, "The way I'm feeling, the way I am treated by those who are, apparently, my lot, I might not be the last in line to sign on and sign in."

An Apostolic Constitution has been declared, a condition recognised by many in purple attending parish lunches and endless cups of tea. His Extreme Unctiousness, the One and Holy, the Zweckreligionrational, the Vicar of Christ, Pope Benny of Crossroads, waved a finger and produced the new Church body that will receive Anglicans who think they are Catholics and Anglicans at the same time.

This move is said to complete the Counter Reformation started, in Roman Catholic understanding, about five minutes ago, but to others, who changed their thinking 250 years before now, this is all part of a different era and they could no longer care less.

However, religious anoraks are said to be excited to the point of Delirium, a Roman City near Boney Carteledge.

The Apostolic Constitution sets up lots of buildings called Cottages with male only toilets. The urinals will be personal ordinary ones. In the main halls, men in funny costumes and newly washed clerical collars will be able to gather and say Anglican things while actually having a picture of the Pope up above. They'll even be able to have seminary Cottages for new Roman Anglican devotees.

A spokeswoman for Backwards in Belief (Anglican Tradition), challenged that this is no different from now, said, "I know it is odd to think women support this thing, but we rotunda hat-wearers know our place among these lovely men. We expect quite a lot of our people to now cross the Tiber in a transatlantic liner, rather than in Welsh coracles. Whoopee! The picture of the Pope will be more up to date, and on dull paper rather than glossy."

A spokesman for the Fellowship of Cuper Apostles said, "What this does, it does, is takes away our chances for our own dioceses of men as yer only truly confessing Bible believing superintendents as headships. An' if we split off from them costumed sort, we might split again again. It's a wee wee free situation this, a right pisser. Here I am Lord, take me as I am Lord Cudden Careyless."

In the Constitution, the Anglican converts to Rome can be looked after by non-bishops. This is because, in all religion that can be called religion, men (and only men) in charge are too busy to have time to penetrate a woman and have children. Women are a distraction. At the new Cottages, women can go outside. However - and this will be different - some of them will be married to those with the personal ordinary urinals on the inside.

In the joint statement, Tree on a Hill said, reading together from a prepared script, "Really, we believe the same things. We set up all these bodies to show that we inherit roughly the same set of beliefs. So it is good to talk. This is quite a fruitful development and there could be some signatures in big books possible. Locally, in the spirit of ARGOS [Anglican Roman Gathering Of Superintendents] and VICARBUM [Vatican International Conversation with Anglicans in Rome under Benny Übermensch's Ministry] we look forward to further developments of the mutual ecumenical developments that have happened in places in England, where else."

However, after his own press conference, the Archbishop of Anglicanism was overheard saying very different things when in the gents. Our journalist had his recorder going during the piddling of the holy waters.

"The bastards. It's because this Covenant is buggered. I've been back to Benny, over and over again, saying, 'Look you, I can create worldwide Anglicanism with Instruments of Communion', but he's pulled the rug from under me."

The language then became so blue that this family blog cannot report what he said any more, except to say that the language was of the kind chartered, farce coal and ducking blunt, especially when washing his hands furiously at the lavabo.


Hugh said...

Lots of goodies in this one Adrian . I'm laughing my socks off ( that's if I was wearing socks that is , I don't seem to be able to put them on nowadays ) . :)

June Butler said...

If you get any more wicked, I'll need to turn you in, Adrian.

Amy said...

That is a bold move but beware of the Catholic Church. I used to be Catholic but then I stopped practicing after I found out some disturbing truth. Some say the papacy is the antichrist. They changed the ten commandments which is the Law of God, the Pope claims to be a god, they have killed innocent people for centuries like the Spanish Inquisition and supporting the Nazis, and the priests have molested a lot of children. Jesus would not approve of any of these, it is not Christian, that is evil hiding behind religion. I pray people really to open their eyes. I know I did!!!

Gene Shinai said...

Adrian, When I first read about the Catholic overture. I wondered if Priestly Celibacy might not be at risk. Apparently I'm not the only one thinking this way: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/22/world/22church.html?_r=1&emc=tnt&tntemail1=y

Liberalise the Catholics by bringing in the conservative Anglicans. Surely there is no God but Irony.

Pluralist (Adrian Worsfold) said...

My view too. There is no God but [there is] irony.

June Butler said...

Liberalise the Catholics by bringing in the conservative Anglicans. Surely there is no God but Irony.

Irony there, all right, Gene. On the other hand, could it be that irony is one of the attributes of God?